The writings of Mark J. Lehman

Studying myself in the mirror these days, it's hard not to notice the jungle of hairs in my nasal cavities. They're prolific, and they're getting bolder too. I caught a few the other day sneaking ever further downward, trying to disguise themselves as mustache.

I don't tell you this because I think you're fascinated with nose hair (though I certainly won't judge you if you are), I mention this only to illustrate the unintentional theme of this year, which seems to be "getting older." Yes, between listening to NPR on my way to and from my 8-5 job, and doing household tasks like raking the leaves and cleaning out the gutters on my new house, I'm feeling more and more like an old man, and it doesn't help that I'm now halfway to 50 years old.

Luckily, I can still pretend I'm young and hip by tweeting on Twitter. That's the "micro-blogging" web service that exploded into pop culture this year, and now even the old folks like CNN and my mother are using it regularly. It seems the world only wants information now if it comes to them in 140 characters or less. So I've decided to embrace it and write the Christmas letter using this series of fake and informative tweets. Be forewarned: like Twitter, not all of these "tweets" below are substantive or appropriate. Re-tweet if you like it.

markjlehman: "Back in Sac from Deutschland. Good to be home, but already missing pretzels and bratwursts. Oh, and Ellen, too." - 10:24 AM, Dec 23, 2008

DanoManoLehman: "Started practicum at Julia Ann Singer Therapeutic center. Keeping emotionally disturbed kids from killing classmates. Missing Chase..." - 6:47 PM, Jan 7, 2009

MichelleLehman: "Tricked the Sac Assoc. of Realtors into putting me on Board of Directors. Taking over the world, 1 board at a time, 1 year at a time." - 10:56 AM, Jan 9, 2009

DanoManoLehman: "RIP Black Beauty aka my bitchin' Camaro. New Mazda will never quite replace you, but at least it will run reliably and with 1/2 the fuel." - 8:19 PM, Feb 1, 2009

markjlehman: "Now gainfully employed as estimator for contracting firm. That makes 2 jobs I've had where my Euro Studies degree was basically useless." - 5:27 PM, Feb 4, 2009

DeaconDave: "Durty Nelly's was a bad idea last night. At C21 Convention in San Antonio & just ripped a smelly beer fart in the middle of keynote address." - 12:32 PM, March 9, 2009

EllenKLehman: "Working on my Scottish brogue in Edinburgh. Tried Scotch - big mistake. Still trying to find Scottish flag underwear." - 8:46 PM, April 8, 2009

Deacon Dave: "Just rocked that homily - Ta DA! Best one since my MC Hammer rap sesh in 2001. Anxious to see reaction of the RCIA class I teach tomorrow." - 11:08 AM, April 12, 2009

EllenKLehman: "My family's here in Germany! 1st stop- Switzerland, then we'll be the only folks on our block to see the mini-country of Liechtenstein." - 8:17 AM, April 13, 2009

markjlehman: "House hunting in this market is insane. 10+ offers but keep getting beat out by cash buyers. Moving to tent city becoming viable option." - 7:57 PM, May 13, 2009

DeaconDave: "On top of Angel's Landing in Zion Nat'l Park, UT. King of the Mountain! Climbing 1200ft in desert in summer = great vacation. Mom disagrees." - 3:22 PM, May 20, 2009

MichelleLehman: "Vegas! Last stop of vacation with Reibolds. One more play on the penny slots and I'm sure I'd win big, but Dad says no. I can quit anytime." - 2:03 PM, May 26, 2009

markjlehman: "Weeklong Ireland trip. At Dublin Zoo - was hoping animals would have Irish lilt. Not sure why I expected that, but still left disappointed." - 11:12 AM, May 24, 2009

EllenKLehman: "Mark dragged me to Jameson Distillery in Dublin. Blech! At least now we know: if I don't like whiskey here, I won't like it anywhere." - 4:23 PM, May 25, 2009

EllenKLehman: "Said goodbye and good riddance to Germany, now tackling a mountain of wedding planning all summer. Mark's 'helping' with about 3 things." - 2:11 PM, July 2, 2009

DanoManoLehman: "Checked out Jimi Hendrix Experience Museum in Seattle with good friends Becky and Christina. Becoming more a hippie every minute of my trip." 11:42 PM, Aug 15, 2009

DeaconDave: "Babies everywhere! Drove to San Diego to visit cousins Jeff & Rach & little goofball Kai, then to LA to baptize friends' new baby." - 6:17 PM, Aug 23, 2009

MichelleLehman: "Closed escrow today on my youngest (and favorite) son's 1st house, a month late but in time for his wedding Saturday. Just call me Supermom." - 2:15 PM, Sept 1, 2009

DanoManoLehman: "It's wedding season! Bro's and high school buddy's weddings this month. Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly!" - 6:37 PM, Sept 3, 2009

DeaconDave: "Frist Irsh car bomb. Mark's getining is getting married tomomorrow! Michelelle and I os excited to have a daugiheter! Rom is spinnning" - 1:12 AM, Sept 5, 2009

MichelleLehman: "Last midnight pick up of drunken revelers before the wedding tomorrow. Of course the groom and best man (my sons) are the most blitzed." - 2:23 AM, Sept 5, 2009

EllenKLehman: "As of yesterday, I'm the newest Mrs. Lehman. Mark 'Freudian slipped' and said he's made an 'awesome' woman of me." - 8:11 AM, Sept 6, 2009

markjlehman: "Yosemite on honeymoon with the wifey. Nothing quite like the excitement generated by the constant threat of a bear attack." - 12:31 PM, Sept 12, 2009

DeaconDave: "Weekly visit w/ my dad. At the dentist, filling 8 cavities - Grandpa says 'I think I'd rather die of tooth decay.'" - 4:14 PM, Sept 14, 2009

MichelleLehman: "9:30 Sunday mass with choir group. Today, someone let out a tooter while the mics were on. In this situation, What Would Jesus Do?" - 10:42 AM, Oct 18, 2009

DanoManoLehman: "Finally back surfing after ruptured ligaments in foot, ankle and lower back strain. Was basically a broken and bitter man this season." - 8:12 AM, Nov 14, 2009

EllenKLehman: "Finished 1st day as holiday help at Macy's fragrance counter. Great success! But now I smell like a weird mixture of diva & gold digger." - 9:23 PM, Dec 6, 2009

markjlehman: "Married and moved out, yet me writing Christmas letter still foregone conclusion. I should really start charging a fee for this..." - 4:47 PM, Dec 13, 2009

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, from all of ours to all of yours.
Love,
Dave, Michelle, Daniel, Mark and Ellen

P.S. Not all of us are actually on Twitter, but we are all on Facebook. Let's be friends.