Grasp the knowledge of the universe with the click of a mouse

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
http://misusingbigwords.blogspot.com/2008/05/grasp-knowledge-of-universe-with-click.html

By the power of Grayskull the internet, I now know EVERYTHING.


Okay, maybe not, but I feel as though I have the capability to know everything (except perhaps, some security-related information, heavily guarded by the government or corporations).


The other day, I wanted to make dinner, but I only had garbanzo beans, garlic, green beans, and a package of bacon. So I went over to allrecipes.com and searched by ingredients and found an easy minestrone soup. It's no apartment gourmet, but it'll do.


Last month was my first time doing taxes when I actually had money to be taxed on, so when I didn’t know what the heck was going on, I surfed the net. First of all, I figured I should know a little about what taxes I had to pay and why, and howstuffworks.com was helpful in that regard. Then, I wanted to see how to pay as little as possible, so I asked my friends at wikihow.com for some info on that. After that, I’m basically an expert.


Okay, maybe not, but I think I definitely could be if I wanted to, just by cruising the web and spending a million hours of my life sorting through complicated tax codes.


Since that didn’t sound too fun, the last thing I decided I wanted to know was economics. After all, we’re supposedly in a recession, so why does everything keep costing me more money? I headed back to howstuffworks.com to refresh my memory on how the economy works in general. After the crash course, I checked out some lectures by MIT professors at the MIT Open Courseware site. And just like that, I’m an economical genius.


Okay, maybe not, but if I could read as fast as I could click, and if I could slow time down at will, maybe I would have the time and ability to become one.


I’m convinced that, by the power of Grayskull the internet, and with a little hard work, anyone can gain at least a passing knowledge of any topic, and with a little more time and effort, could have a commanding grasp of any subject matter. Now, if only there was a way to download information directly from the internet into my mind… but I guess that’s something to look forward to in the future.

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