I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
I don't mind admitting that I have a pretty healthy belief and respect for science and technology. Some people even think I give these things too much merit when I say that by the time I'm old, I won't have to worry about most of the major diseases plaguing us today—stuff like AIDS, Alzheimer's, etc. Or they tell me I'm being absurd when I say that technology will allow me to have one small Tylenol-sized pill in my ear that acts as my music device, my cell phone, my TV and almost any other portable device we use, and will be completely controlled by thoughts.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. After all, apparently they've already cured cancer.

I come quickly to the point. For those who hadn't heard, scientists are creating something called a Large Hadron Collider, which is basically the Aston Martin of particle accelerators. They're thinking that once it's all done, they'll find the "missing link" to create a unifying scientific theory of physics, and they'll probably even be able to make black holes and study them in a controlled environment. Essentially, this will go a long way towards delivering the future I'm expecting. That is, if we don't screw it up for ourselves.

And here come the bad guys to do just that. In fact, my favorite news article comes with this appealing headline: "Particle accelerator project sued on fears it will destroy the planet." In terms of headlines, how can you get much better than that?

These particle-accelerating wildmen seem to think this thing is perfectly safe, and as far as I'm concerned, their opinion is the only one that matters to me. After all, if they make a big matter-sucking black hole, they'll be the first ones sucked in, so that's pretty good motivation not to screw up.
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