A letter to another devoted friend

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:

We've spent so many years together, and I feel like I know every part of you. I feel your gentle curves, your rough edges, and sometimes I can even tell you're feeling extra sensitive today. But mostly, I'm just glad I have you with me, because without you, Teeth, how could I chew my food, or open difficult packaging, or bite my nails?

Yes, there are many things to love about you, Teeth. For instance, you're so cute when you get cold and make that little chattering noise. And you know the ladies always get a laugh. Of course, then you help me be more attractive by showing everyone how white and clean you are. Do I ponder whether or not your love for being white is a little racist? Sure I do, but in the end, I'm okay with it if you are.

Despite all the good times though, Teeth, we've had some tough times, too. Remember that summer, back in high school? Of course you do. God, there was so much blood. And I was so worried about you; of course, you must have been much more worried than me, weren't you, Teeth? But we fought through the pain of the surgery, and the separation anxiety of being without your brothers, the wisdom teeth. It was agony for awhile, but we were there for each other then just like we always will be. And it helps knowing that I got to keep the remains of those little wisdom teeth. (Or at least I think I still have them, stashed in that box in my closet... no wait, they're in the filing cabinet... wait, that can't be right...)

Our special times together at morning and at night, me brushing you softly and you feeling great and clean... well, those are some of my best memories of us together. One of my favorite things about you, Teeth, is how you keep that extra buildup of food and junk in between lower right molars 6 & 7. You know that I always feel like I've uncovered an amazing treasure when I dig out a fingernail-sized chunk of carrot during flossing, and knowing that about me shows me that you care.

So, for all those reasons and more, Teeth, let's stick together forever. Or at least until I'm really old and I have to replace you with new, fake teeth. Sorry in advance for that.
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