In case you didn't know, you look hideous

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
http://misusingbigwords.blogspot.com/2008/04/in-case-you-didnt-know-you-look-hideous.html
“Wow, you look terrible.”

“Are you okay? You don’t look so hot.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but you do look pretty awful.”

Thanks everyone. Tell me how you really feel.

Have you ever noticed how, when you tell someone you are not feeling well, no matter if they don’t even know you at all, you’ll inevitably hear one of those phrases? Why is that?

I’ve always found it odd that people feel like they can pick on someone just for having a cold. Except between mortal enemies or best friends, you don’t often hear one person tell another directly to their face, “Oh my goodness, you don’t look good at all.” Is this an evolutionary thing? Do we prey on the ill and the weakened because our instincts drive us to do so?

Perhaps this is just an excuse. Maybe these comments have been brewing in the minds of others, and once those words come out of your mouth—“Yeah, I think I’m coming down with something,”—it’s just a matter of time before someone tells you “Yeah, I can tell. You look like hell.” And maybe that’s just something the person has wanted to tell you for a long time, and now, in your time of illness, they can get away with it scot-free.

So what can you do? I say be grateful. Thank the germs that infested your body for allowing your friends and acquaintances to finally get some angst off their chest. Because let’s face it, when you’re all better, you’re both going to pretend like it never happened. And if you still feel raw about it, just wait and hope their time to be sick comes soon. To speed up the process, you can even “accidentally” sneeze or cough on them.

Then, when it happens, enjoy it. “Hey! Are you sick? Because your appearance is downright appalling!”
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