I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
I knew Disney was kind of fruity, but this is almost too much.

I was shopping at my local Vons (not Ralph's, for good reason ) the other day and I went to the produce section to pick up my regular purchase of Granny Smith apples, the only good kind of apple. As I was sorting through the individual apples, picking the nice looking ones out, groping them for inconsistencies and tossing aside any that were bruised or otherwise imperfect, I looked up for no particular reason, and there they were.

A bag full of nearly pristine, perfectly-sized Granny Smiths, courtesy of the kind folks at Disney.

A few things should be noted here. First, I’m not a huge Disney fan. I don’t go see all of the movies, I don’t watch the Disney channel, I don’t even look back on a childhood riddled with animated Disney movie memories, except perhaps Aladdin and his whole new world. Man… what I would give to share a whole new world with Jasmine … sigh…

Second, I’m not a snob who eats only organic fruits grown by people with whom I am on a first name basis. I like to support community, like a hippie, but I like to save money more, like a selfish person.

With that in mind, one should realize exactly what I did: at nearly half the price per lb of regular Granny Smiths, I bought the Disney apples. And in recent days, I’ve been enjoying them immensely, both for their perfect size and their juicy deliciousness, and also for the free temporary tattoo that came in the package.

Sure, I might be somewhat worried Disney is taking over the world, but as far as I’m concerned, they have to beat out Google and Apple first, so their world domination is at least a few years away. In the meantime, I’ll be enjoying my cheap but tasty apples. And hey, now they make Disney kiwi, too!
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