Breaking News: I'm only 51% pure

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
http://misusingbigwords.blogspot.com/2008/03/breaking-news-im-only-51-pure.html
That's down from my score of 55% eight years ago. So, I'm losing purity at an average rate of 0.5% per year. I'm 23 now, so if I live to be 125, I will make my way down to 0%, making me at least as impure as the most impure people on Earth. (And with advances in modern medicine, I am fully expecting to not only live this long but still have full control of all bodily functions. Don't disappoint me, science.)

Perhaps I should explain myself. Inspired by adolescent nostalgia, I just took an online purity test. These gained a lot of popularity around my sophomore year of high school, and the results could be either worn as a metaphorical badge of goodness or bragged about in competition for the "high score."

One test was particularly popular, both for its innovative questions and its willingness explore the creative and humorous side of impurity with questions like, "88. Have you ever eaten sushi off a naked body," the Alanis-inspired "62. Would you go down on me in a theater," and the one-two punch of "79. Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex?" and "80. Did you join in?" That test was provided by none other than TheSpark.com. (It has since been taken down, but the dating site OKCupid.com has duplicated it. Scroll down to the end for the link.)

If that sounds familiar, it's because the guys that started that site are now bringing in boatloads of cashmoney with a little thing called SparkNotes. However, before they were in the business of helping high schoolers pretend like they "did the reading for class," the Spark people were all about sex, drugs and petty crimes, and everyone I knew in high school was quite happy about that.

Nearly a decade later, here I am taking the same test, and I've only dropped four percentage points. As far as morality and purity tracking go, I think that's pretty good, especially considering most people get their craziness out in the late teens and early twenties. So, while I fully expect to live to be 125 years old, I don't actually believe I'll ever reach 0%. Especially considering questions 79 & 80.

That's just disgusting.

[N.B. The duplicated TheSpark.com purity test can be found here. In order to get your results, this site will make you sign up for their dating service thing, and although it's free, it's probably not worth the hassle. So, since it's a 100 point test, just subtract a point every time you answer "Yes."]

Let's hear some of your scores in the comments. Can anyone beat my 51%?
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