The Selfish Hippie, our newest superhero

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
Perhaps it’s because I’m young, fresh out of college, and surrounded by California liberals, but it seems that being a hippie is coming back in style in a big dreadlocked way.

I don’t wade too deeply into the political pool (I think there are more important things in life than staying current with all the idiotic and bureaucratic things politicians do), but I would say liberals and conservatives would probably agree on the reason for this resurgence of Birkenstock-wearing organic fruit-eating hippies—hint: it has less to do with the delicious taste of tofu and more to do with bad taste left in the mouth from the current administration.

Politics aside, though, I’m learning to embrace my inner hippie for all the wrong hippie reasons. Thusly, I am creating the character of the “Selfish Hippie.”

After watching the documentary “Who Killed the Electric Car?,” I find myself saddened by the death of something that so clearly would have been an incredible product that millions would have loved and that had the potential to literally change the world. But my sadness comes not from the fact that this car would have helped Mother Nature. No, what I care more about is the fuel economy.

Electric vehicles, as well as hybrid-electric vehicles, are capable of achieving incredible mileage for the amount of energy used, and all that energy saved puts money back in my pocket. And that’s money I can spend in other sectors of the economy (movies, restaurants, bowling), being the good little consumer that I am.

After all, the “bottom line” is one of the main concerns for me, the Selfish Hippie.

My roommates have lambasted me on several occasions for disagreeing with the theory of global warming. And while it’s true I don’t believe global warming is a serious issue (and I often have to beat back the hippies that attack me for saying that), I still vehemently agree with many of the procedures that people have come up with to “prevent” it.

For example, using less electricity, or smarter electricity, such as fluorescent light bulbs, double-pane windows, etc is a great idea—it saves money on the power bill. Walking anywhere that’s less than 3 miles away is beautiful—gets you exercise and uses less gas. Using the back of day-by-day calendars as scratch paper helps avoid having to pay for post-it notes. Plus, don’t forget the granddaddy of cost-saving hippie tips: drinking tap water instead of buying bottled.

Anything you can think of that reduces the amount of energy you use, or that reuses things you might otherwise throw away, will help pad your bank account while saving the world. And that’s what being a Selfish Hippie is all about: saving money by saving the world.

So next time you’re sitting around, passing the peace pipe, not bathing, talking about how “trees are so cool, man,” spend some time figuring out ways to become a Selfish Hippie, instead of thinking of ridiculous ideas like this one.
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