A slippery situation

I write for a humor blog with two friends, James Malins and Cherie Michiko, called Misusing Big Words. This post was originally published here:
http://misusingbigwords.blogspot.com/2008/01/slippery-situation.html
Slippery. Slimy. Slick. It made a sluicing sound as it squished through the sides.

The water was warm on my hands, making them feel cleaner as it washed the rest of the soap suds away. However, when I had finished washing and drying them off, I noticed that grimy/sticky feeling remained on the palm of my hand. I’m not entirely sure how it got there—maybe from checking my car’s oil or perhaps from rotating the wheels on my rollerblades—but it certainly wasn’t coming off by traditional methods.

I went to my secret weapon: dishwashing soap. After a couple minutes of scrubbing, washing and drying, my hands were clean as a whistle again. Cleaner, actually--whistles are always in someone's mouth, I doubt they're that clean.

When I thought about this later, though, I realized something bizarre: if dishwashing soap is stronger than hand soap, why don’t we just use dishwashing soap all of the time?

I'm an avid hand washer. Even if I'm not doing anything at all--if I'm just sitting on the couch, contemplating my navel, without a care in the world--I start to feel like my hands are dirty after a length of time. So I wash them constantly, despite often telling people it has been more than a few days since the last washing. Ever since finding out about the almost magical properties of dishwashing soap, I've converted and will never go back.

First of all, it feels nicer. Instead of the gel-like feeling of some soaps, dishwashing soap has a nice silky syrupy feel that brings handwashing above and beyond just a tactile experience. Second, and lastly (because how many reasons do you need, anyway?), it makes my hands cleaner. If I wash my hands with normal hand soap and they can't get the job done, then I use dishwashing soap and it makes them feel brand new, wouldn’t it make more sense to use the latter soap at every opportunity? Why wouldn't I want my hands to be as clean as possible at every opportunity? This is especially relevant since we use hands for so many more tasks that we use dishes, such as for eye-booger wiping and nose picking, to name but a few.

To better illustrate my point, here is a very similar example: Why would you drive a VW Rabbit when you've got a Lamborghini in the garage?

You wouldn't.
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