Appliance of the Month: The Tangent Salutes Blender

From spring of 2003 until my graduation in May 2006, I wrote many articles for several sections of my college newspaper, the Los Angeles Loyolan. Here's one of my articles from the now-defunct humor section, Tangent.
Appliance of the Month
The Tangent Salutes Blender

Mark J. Lehman
Managing Editor

Originally Published: Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The smell of freshly cut strawberries and life invade my nasal cavity. I hear you working hard, rumbling and whirring and humming along, and I can't help but smile at how much fun you are having. Still, seeing you there, segregated from all of the other appliances, I can't help but think, especially this month, "Nobody puts Blender in a corner."

During these fractious times, Blender, you are like a beacon of light in this dark and troubled world. With so much discussion about diversity and unity, I've realized that we need you more than ever to come in and "mix things up." Though some people might disagree, I know that you aren't trying to rid us of our individuality, but rather blend us together into a sort of multicultural milkshake. I don't know about everyone else, but that sure sounds good to me.

Aside from your way of unifying all different types of food and people, Blender, you are also more versatile than I think most give you credit. From "grate" to "liquify" settings, you are like a speed skater who has won gold medals in both the 500m and the 10,000m events, and as star athletes like Apolo Anton Ohno know, this is no easy endeavor. What Ohno doesn't know, though, is the joy and satisfaction of creating a melon and pineapple smoothie that even a casual fruit eater can enjoy.

Blender, you are friendly, intelligent and sharp as a tack. How could anyone not love you?
[via Los Angeles Loyolan:]
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